i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
