Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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