but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
