I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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