you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
