he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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