You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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