i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you win again, gameday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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