They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
