Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
