I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
