I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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