I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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