i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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