I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
