her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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