She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
