So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
