Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
