don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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