I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
