Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
