if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
