i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
