No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
