He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize