and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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