is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
