Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
