just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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