Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
