god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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