You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
