doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
