allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
