I hate your face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
