It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You made out with two different species that night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
