there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
