I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
