Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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