she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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