Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I just sharted jello shots
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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