How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
