The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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