I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
