so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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