The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
