That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
