I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
