I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
